Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I need water and some morals
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
