Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
