happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Well I just put wine in my tea
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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