perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
