my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
