This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
