He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
