i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize