lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
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