Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Randomize
