we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Randomize
