Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
