So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
