So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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