dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Randomize
