okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
