so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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