If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
