he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
