The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
