ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
