Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Randomize
