Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
