THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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