are you still at the devil's house?
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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