i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
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