$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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