Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
