I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Randomize
