Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize