After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
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