I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
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