He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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