WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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