So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
