VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
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