i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
someone owes me an orgasm
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize