I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
