Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
