she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
