Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
