Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
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