Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
