I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
i now understand why vodka
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Someone signed my nipple.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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