I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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