we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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