If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
