Ambien. No doubt about it.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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