I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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