my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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