Who did Billy Mays play for?
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
