we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
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