a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
