just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
