My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
