Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
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