Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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