I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
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