but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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