My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
