I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize