My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
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