There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
